This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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