how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
