I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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