I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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