Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
