is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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