Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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