butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
