dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
