she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
