Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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