you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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