I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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