I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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