he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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