I wanna passion pit in your ass
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
