Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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