Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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