It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
