apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
