She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
