Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
