when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
