Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
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