It's Friday. Sex?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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