I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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