get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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