you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
