Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize