Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
