My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i think i just naturally attract stoners
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
