all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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