some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize