Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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