when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
