pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
