Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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