Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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