I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
