ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
