you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
