I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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