I heard we made out
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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