You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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