Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
