I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
