I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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