I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
