i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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