I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
