i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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