his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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