GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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