Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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