Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
