I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
