are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
