Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sober January is a disaster.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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