wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
