You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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