I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
