Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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