i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize