You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I touched a dick in church today
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
