The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
