I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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