I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize