If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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