So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
