im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
