Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
