I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
