that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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