i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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