Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
