yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
two words...techno handjob
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
