i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
