Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ttyl tear gas
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
